i love the world cup

The World Cup is on, and I bloody love it. Constant football, three matches a day – it’s fantastic. Everything’s in place, and everything is just right. From the anticipation leading up to the start of the tournament, through the familiar anti-climax felt after England balls up their first game, to the fact that is takes a few days to really get your head round the fact that there are three matches on each day (and lots of other football related entertainment on pretty much around the clock); it’s all there.

And this year there are some huge improvements too. I no longer have to worry about getting my hands on a tiny handheld TV that barely works in order to sneak in some World Cup action at work. Now I can watch every game online, with nothing more than a well-placed spreadsheet needed to hide this from my (Scottish) boss. I was in the pub last night and the Brazil vs North Korea was on the TV … in HD … in the pub … watching Brazil. It’s incredible, and now I don’t ever want to watch football any other way (although persuading my partner to ditch our gorgeous, really expensive, but non-HD telly at home is going to be tricky). When I’m in the car, I can listen to football on the radio; when I’m at home, I can watch football on the TV; if I’m anywhere near a computer, I can watch football online; if I miss the start of a match, I can press the red button, if I’m out an about, I can instantly found out the score on my smartphone, via mobile web or even Twitter. In short, I can get at the World Cup any and every moment of the day or night. The South Africa time zone ins just right – I don’t have to stay up until 3am to watch a match. England are in and Scotland are not, which means all is right with the world. Christ, there’s even a marked reduction in the usual “spirit of 1966″ nonsense we’re usually bombarded with, often from people (like me) who weren’t even born in 1966.

What’s not to love? The World Cup is the highlight of the year, and this one is better than ever.

So why do so many people seem to be grumbling about the World Cup this year? More than I can remember in any previous tournament, people seem to be moaning, whinging and – essentially – complaining that this World Cup is rubbish. Why? The main complaints seem to revolve around:

1. The quality of the football.
Today (Wednesday 16th June) marks the end of the first round of matches – there are still seven more rounds to go. And yet already people are already writing off the football as crap. So far Argentina, Brazil and Holland have just squeezed past some petty poor opposition. England and Italy have both drawn against crap teams, and Spain – pre-tournament second favourites – have just lost to Switzerland (possible headline: “SPAINKILLERS” – arf!). Only Germany have looked at all convincing. This is all brilliant – much more interesting than watching the “big” teams sweep aside the underdogs as expected, making the second and third group stage matches almost meaningless from the start. Watching these teams have to fight to make sure they progress to the last 16 is going to be much better than watching them cruise to pre-determined success without breaking stride. So give it a chance – it’s barely started yet.

2. The ball
At the start of every tournament for the last dozen years or so, people have moaned about the “new ball” being used. It’s a football – how much can it change? It’s the same size, it’s approximately the same weight, it’s definitely the same shape. and more importantly, at a hundred grand a week, I’d expect professional footballers to be able to use a pig’s head with a decent amount of skill.

Also, it’s both players and goalkeepers (as well as commentators) who are doing the complaining. How come? If goalies don’t like it, surely that makes it good for strikers? But if strikers don’t like it, goalies should be happy. Unless they’re all moaning just for the sake of it (again).

3. The big one – Vuvuzelas
Who’d-a-thunk that an £8 plastic horn (admittedly in large numbers) could get soooo many people upset? It’s driving usually balanced, sensible and not-prone-to-irrational-hatred people to distraction.

For the record, I don’t mind it. In fact, given that this is the first World Cup in Africa, I quite like it. I’m not suggesting that I’d want 80,000 people in my back garden blowing horns, but in the context of 90 minutes of football – where all sorts of noises are traditionally heard, including rattles, whistles and bad singing in scouse accents – I can’t see what the problem is.

In fact, the droning of people complaining about vuvuzelas has become a lot more irritating than the vuvuzelas themselves. Guess what? I know that they sound a bit like bees – you’re not the first person to point that out. When the noun inevitably makes it into the next OED, it’s entry will be:

Vuvuzela – sounds like bees (n) – plastic horn that sounds like bees. New favourite topic of complaint by witless Daily Mail readers.

Anyway, at least the vuvuzelas drown out that poxy England ‘band’ (actually, they’re Sheffield Wednesday) and their tuneless, skill-less, valueless renditions of God Save The Queen and The Great Escape.

So, enjoy the World Cup; embrace it even. Just stop fucking moaning about it – save it for when Wimbledon is on.